I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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