Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
