Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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