So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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