how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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