he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
COCAINE IS GR8
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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