I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
