it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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