So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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