I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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