I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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