In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
