I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
