I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
