hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
