Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
