you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
