All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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