my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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