My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
