we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
