Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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