chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
