I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
