I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
