I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
