y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
