I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
