After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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