you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
