I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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