No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
