My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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