but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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