I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
