he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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