In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
