FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
