No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
