Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
