just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
