She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
