Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
