Fuck appropriateness.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
