we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
