UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
