he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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