I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
COCAINE IS GR8
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