Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
