A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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