so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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